Saturday, 3 January 2015

I Hate Myself and Want to Die


Incredible article where this photo was taken from.
I think somebody dislikes me.

Which is weird because I do genuinely go out of my way not to be a dick. And I thought that would be enough to prevent anybody disliking me for any particular reason. But it’s not.

The person in question is that tall woman who likes art that I used to sob to thoughts of never being with, even though we did casually hook up a couple of times. The reason I think she hates me is that she seems physically incapable of maintaining close proximity with me. When we interact in public (the only place we ever interact) she uses an excuse to get the hell away from me.

Usually the excuses are incredibly believable and arouse no suspicion from me at all. Like something along the lines of “I’d love to chat but… I have to get back to my dog”. Or “Sorry, I can't stay and talk. I have a doctor's appointment. I have much reason to believe I have an STD."

The saddest thing about it all is how long it took me to realise that she wants me to die and never go anywhere near her again. It all came together on New Year's Eve.

We were both coincidentally in the same club. Despite her being six feet tall she was wearing high heels, for reasons I have to pretend are valid or be at risk of being sexist. She needed to sit down, because of the heels.

I was standing with a group of friends in a circle. The chair she chose to occupy was directly behind me. I noticed her sitting down and turned to talk to her, because she was alone. Not because I wanted to have sex with her.

I was to her left. We made conversation for about a minute. After that minute she turned to her right, where her friend was deep in conversation with another woman. She obviously hoped that her friend could save her from my oppressive presence. Then she turned back and said “I’m going to the smoking area”.

This woman doesn’t smoke. When she said “I’m going to the smoking area” what she really meant was “Hey Fredulous. My ankles are so sore right now. It’s excruciating. Like I literally couldn’t stand any longer and had to sit down to keep myself from crying. But despite this, I would rather walk up all those steps, in these heels, to the smoking area, and risk getting lung cancer by second hand smoke, than talk to you right now.”

She thinks I’m a moron and that I am completely oblivious to her attitude towards me. I did the sociable thing and said “Cool! See you later!” before turning back to my friends.

13 comments:

  1. Dude... What are you going to do about it?

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    1. I will do absolutely nothing about it. I don't think I'm attracted to her anymore. Despite her being one of the more aesthetically attractive people I've ever had the pleasure of looking directly at. She just doesn't look at things like I do. And that can be frustrating. I will be seeing her next week though. A mutual friend has a birthday. There won't be many people there as it's more of a casual get together, so we will probably be forced to speak at some point. In that scenario I'll probably try to get the hell away. For both of our sake.

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    2. Hopefully you're better at moving on than I am. It's usually the notion that she rejected me that gets me, because it means I had no say or control over it.

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    3. I honestly doubt I'm any better at moving on than you are. Thankfully in this situation I got to move on gradually. I don't live anywhere near her these days. I was just in town visiting my parents during the Christmas period. If she had reacted similarly to my presence about a year ago it probably would have hurt my feelings, and there would be a post like this but with more statements that seem like fifteen-year-old girls on Tumblr wrote them.

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  2. I think your only response is to behave coolly but politely towards her. Be the first to break away, be the first to have to rush off somewhere else. It doesn't have to be done with malice but it will save your self-esteem and confuse her.

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    1. I think you're right. If she doesn't want me around I'd rather not be there. I don't know if I necessarily want to confuse her, but I'm definitely up for saving my self-esteem.

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  3. Well, women are fickle and this one is clearly wants to put your earlier interactions behind her, whatever they were. I don't believe she hates you, though, although she may be embarrassed that she ever let you touch her body. Fix her up with a date with a basketball player and move on.

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    1. Ohhh. She's just embarrassed that she ever let me touch her body. That makes so much more sense than anything I'd considered before reading this comment. To be honest, I don't think I need to fix her up with anyone. She gets plenty of male attention. Though, she probably won't be getting mine any longer. Which I'm sure is going to crush her.

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  4. I am really sorry, Fredulous, but she ain't worth your time. She sounds like an uptight b*tch. You're too witty to be with someone with no sense of humor.

    Things always change after the hook-up, whether or not it's labeled "casual."
    She doesn't want you dead. She's just weirded out. Guys handle the after effects in a less complicated way...But none of this excuses her from being an Amazon rude ass. There are plenty of others who will appreciate you, and who actually have a personality. You'll be fine.

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    1. I've been waiting for your response to this issue. I knew it would be good.

      I might have been exaggerating when I suggested that she wants me dead. But she definitely doesn't want me around.

      Thank you so much for everything in this comment.

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    2. You're very welcome, Fredulous. I figure you needed a woman's perspective. We really do get freaked out after sex (or foreplay, or any intimacy), though we try to play it cool. We women are damn complicated. This woman's confused, and lifeless. You don't need that.

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  5. Well I'm sorry but I don't care for her. And girls that are 6 feet tall shouldn't be allowed to wear heels. Next time you see her, be effervescent with all and politely, aloof with her. And stare at her heels with a quizzical look of disdain.

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    1. Politely aloof it is.

      Maybe the next time I see her I can be that one that risks getting lung cancer. That will show her.

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