Saturday, 25 October 2014

Problems

Source

I am sitting near her.

My wingman has not turned up. Attendance isn’t compulsory for any classes on Thursday.

I am close enough to her that I feel both self-conscious and excited, but too far away to be able to strike up a conversation that she will consider casual.

I am presented with the problem and I can’t do it. Co-operation is encouraged. She is co-operating with that same person she always is. Not me, but not male. I do not feel threatened.

Chinese Guy asks me if I have any ideas. I do not. He does. He breaks the problem into four separate cases. I do not understand what is going on but act like I do, knowing that she is within earshot. He has proven the validity of three of his cases but can’t figure out what to do for the last one. He thinks I am following what he has done and that I can help him figure out how to verify the end of his solution.

I look at the paper, continuing to not know what is going on. Until I do. Click. I gain god-like mastery of the situation. I point to the page and suggest a simple solution to Chinese Guy’s problem. You’re a genius, Chinese Guy exclaims. Loud enough for her to hear. I notice her look up at me while I continue to look at the page. Chinese Guy has to leave half an hour early for some reason. I say goodbye to who was inadvertently the best wingman I’ve ever had.

I am alone. She is too now. She gets up and moves towards me.

Did you get this?

Yes.

She is standing over me and making eye contact while I struggle to remember what I just did and not smile.

I present to her the four cases. I slowly do a sufficient job of explaining the whole solution.

It’s much clearer now. Thank you.
 
I am about to leave. So is she. It has become mutually accepted that we are walking out of the room together. We have enough time for a brief conversation. She laughs at things I say. I maintain my laugh-to-word ratio. We leave the building. We turn left and continue until we reach a crossroads. I consider that this might be the point where we part.

I have to go this way, I say.

I have to go back that way.

Back that way. Where we came from. When we left the building she had no reason to turn left. Except for wanting to talk to me.

***
She’s only here for four months.

She’ll return to Germany at Christmas and I will never see her again.

It might be better this way though. I will never get sick of her. Or have to cope with her getting sick of me.

19 comments:

  1. Life isn't ever set in stone. Her choices and other people's choices will effect the world around them. As will yours. The important thing is to make a choice and run with it.

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    1. I choose to pursue an existence wherein I shoot up heroin and project existential angst, à la Mark Renton in Trainspotting.

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  2. She won't get sick of you. German women love men incorrectly assumed to be gay in the British Isles. She will see you as cultured, civilised and intelligent. If you asked for her hand in marriage, in a very formal and correct way, she might well find it charming.

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    1. I suppose marriage is the logical next step. I do have her name now, as well as her e-mail address.

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  3. Accidental brilliance is the best way to attract someone...as if I know of what I speak. But high-fives to you, Fredulous. You played it well. Keep being brilliant and suave.

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    1. I will try my best to continue on this suave path. Hopefully that Chinese guy will come along for the ride. He's valuable.

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  4. You get a beautiful girl who seems to want to talk to you, spend time with you and finds you funny and she has to leave for Germany in a few months. That's just shitty.

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    1. Such is life. I can become a workaholic/alcoholic and everything will be fine.

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  5. Oh man, this gal is into you for sure. The accidental wingman called you a genius, but he was the genius - by calling you a genius! Let us know how things go with German babe. I am in a committed relationship and need to live vicariously through my blog buddies.

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    1. I will keep you updated in as much visceral detail as possible.

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    2. Okay, so update me. Is German girl tall? People are tall as hell in Germay.

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    3. She's not particularly tall. But I'm willing to accept her despite that. Or at least I would be if she wasn't soon going back to Germany forever. She's tall enough that her height isn't unattractive.

      She has a beautiful face. For some reason I associated German women with paleness. She’s not pale. It was taken aback by her being German. She wears glasses. Not annoying hipster thick-rimmed ones though. They don't even have frames. The arms extend from the sides of the lenses. They sort of accentuate her intellectualism, which is hot

      She culminates a style which isn't very usual in Ireland. She's always dressed like she's about to climb a mountain. But in a sexy way. She has hiking boots, for example. It's probably fashionable in Germany or something.

      She's started coming to me with questions about that one class we have together. Which is not only excellent for providing me with opportunities to talk to her, but also because I now have to know how to answer every question she ever asks me in order to maintain that position of power she has assigned me with, meaning intrinsic motivation isn't required as much for learning.

      I'm still yet to touch her skin.

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    4. I'm thinking that your lack of blogging means you are holed up somewhere having crazy monkey sex with German girl . . .

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    5. I will be back very soon. I promise. I'll elaborate upon how things went with her. But fyi: She left today.

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    6. I just re-read that thing I wrote in reply to Kenneth on November 11th. I really should have done that before I actually posted it. Say no to typos.

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  6. I love how you wrote this. I felt I was there and sensed the awkwardness and desire for her to talk to you. I also love the cynical, tortured comme si, comme ca, ending.

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    1. I was there and got to experience the awkwardness first hand. Thanks.

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  7. Hey, happy holidays, Fredulous. We miss you and your silly, warped sense of humor.

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    1. I am coming back. Soon. I've written some stuff. Just need to finish it.

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