Tuesday, 22 July 2014

Relapse And Hand Aids Conclusion

I'm on drugs again. Have been for a week.

After that two month period of using Differin Gel without antibiotics I had to see a doctor for further assessment. I delayed the scheduling of my appointment because I was afraid of having to talk to the clinic's secretary on the phone. An online service would probably save some socially-retarded people's lives. When I did eventually get around to calling her, two days after I should have had the appointment, for some reason she couldn't hear me. She said hello over and over again. I said it too. I called twice. That happened twice. I decided a third time would probably freak her out so I waited another day, hoping that whatever technical error there was would be resolved.

'Hello. Eh. I'd like to make an appointment for tomorrow, please?'

'Ok. We have an opening tomorrow afternoon. Does it matter who the appointment is with?'

'Eh. No!'

'Ok. We have a new doctor, Doctor [redacted] and you'll be seeing him at three-thirty. Is that ok?'

'Perfect. Thank you.'

I got to experience the joys of the nurse's waiting room again. The one with the toys and toddlers playing with the toys. There was one toddler and he did not smell great. His mother's message to him that she was taking him to the bathroom was not well received. I played Angry Birds Rio on my phone, shifting position in my seat every so often so as not to leave sweat stains on the plastic.

What I assumed was the new doctor walked into the waiting room, looked around at the empty seats, made eye contact with me (the only person in the room), then looked away and left. As if he was checking me out. Or my face didn't match my name.

I've seen too many doctors this year due to weird skin and hand diseases. Prior to my last appointment I never met with the same doctor twice. All women. And they got progressively more hot, which made it way harder for me to talk to them. As of last week I have seen every doctor in the clinic at least once. One time I even had an appointment with the nurse.

The doctor did eventually come back. If this guy had the confidence to hold eye contact I probably would have been nervous. I made my way into his office and he shook my hand. I squeezed to convey masculinity and command respect. Then I thought about how shaking hands with a patient is probably an irresponsible thing to do, particularly prior to knowing what ailment they're in for. He could have contracted Hand Aids if this was six months ago. It was also probably sexist. I bet he never shakes the hands of female patients.

I explained my need for assessment, and possibly drugs. He didn't really assess the situation. Just explained what the gel and antibiotics I'd already been using are for. The same explanation I'd been given during each of the other times I received these same prescriptions, only with less grace:

'So you're on tablets... Tetralysal is it?'


'And you're using a gel as well?'

'Yes. Differin.'

'That's a good combination. The Differin gel is a retinoid, as I'm sure you know yourself. And the antibiotics are... well I suppose they're antibiotics really.'

I told him that since I'd stopped taking the Tetralysal my skin started to return to its pre-drugged state. He suggested I start taking it again. All that college clearly paying off. I requested another three month prescription for both Differin and Tetralysal. I then had the pleasure of watching him try to operate the printer.

I left to pick up my drugs. I didn't go to the pharmacy with that Pharmacist I'm in love with though. My friend works there now and I'd rather she didn't know about my medical conditions. Also, I haven't seen her in a while and would prefer not to have to get into conversations about what I've been up to because I've been up to nothing.


I liked Pokemon when I was younger.

I played the games and watched the anime. Never got into the card game though.

If you're not familiar with Pokemon: it's about children that trap innocent creatures in magical balls and then force them to fight each other for their own entertainment. Adults do nothing to stop this and often participate.

There was this one story-arc that I was fascinated with in the show. The GS Ball. It was a mysterious Poke Ball that couldn't be opened. There were legends that stated it housed something mythical and powerful. There were episodes which centred around theorisation and different experts discussing where answers might come from.

Then the writers dropped the whole thing. The GS Ball was supposed to contain a legendary Pokemon called Celebi. Celebi went on to make an appearance in the fourth movie and the GS Ball was left with a guy called Kurt who researched and manufactured Poké Balls, where the writers hoped it would be forgotten.

The reason I bring this up is because I was kind of pissed off years later when I read about what the writers did. And I realise that I've kind of done the same thing.

My hand.

I missed my appointment at the hospital, where the mystery might have been ultimately lifted. When asked if I'd like to schedule another I said no. Because my hand has pretty much gone back to normal. The swelling has gone. My diseased hand is the same colour as my other hand.

Unless it ever starts to act up again, I'll probably never know what was wrong with it.



  1. "Only using tags because they get me hits sometimes"

    You should start using XX-rated tags. Your hits go through the roof (thank you Google and perverts).

    Sorry about the hand, but I gotta tell you, "Hand-Aids" is hilarious.

    1. This is probably the best advice you could ever give someone with a blog but you'll never see it featured on any of those 'HOW TO BE SUPERBLOGGER AND GET EVERYONE TO COME AND READ YOUR SHIT' lists.

      And HA is not hilarious. It can be both emotionally and physically crippling. And itchy as well.

  2. Man, you're such a tease.

  3. Well I hope that your hand stays in its back to normal state. Maybe it was the handshake from the Doctor....Maybe, he was really a transformed Pokemon yellow.

  4. Oh I know how that feels (the unsolved mystery thing). I've had this dizziness issue that's happened whenever I've played sports since I was six. I've had all manner of tests done and haven't been able to figure out what the issue is. I doubt I ever will.

    1. You could be patient zero for something.

  5. Your problem with hot female doctors reminds me of the The Singing Detective, which featured a man with a more serious skin condition than yourself. He couldn't stop having an erection whenever a hot female nurse came to treat his skin. She was not well pleased and the poor guy had to apologise to her Another reason to be glad that your disease has gone.

    1. Public erections is a topic for a whole other post.