For the past week, since the disappointment that came with my HPAT results, I have been carefully considering the different directions I can take my life. Ultimately I narrowed my course choices to two: General Science, primarily out of fear of never getting to study it again, and Computer Science which I described previously as my shortcut to winning life. I settled on Computer Science because I think it's more important that things I want to do in life take precedence over things I don't want to not do, like MDMA.
I have a plan. If everything goes according to it I might feel much more ok with not getting into medicine.
This phase begins right now. I have to become happier. I don't feel the same pressure that I did prior to getting my HPAT results, which is going to make things a lot easier. I'm not busting my ass trying to pass an aptitude test that has a slim success rate. I'm not having frequent doubts about whether or not I should commit twelve years of my life to earning something I only kind of want. I'm not waiting in fear of rejection in the form of results from that aforementioned aptitude test. I have to make the most of my first year in college. I need to overcome social anxiety and get involved in situations where I can meet other people. I have to never be embarrassed. I will make a fool of myself. I need to work hard. Work often. I can't limit learning to when it has to be done. I must enjoy free time. Not feel guilty during free time. I have to make time to write.
I have to continue along the same lines during second year. With important focus being placed on work. If I consistently score highly enough throughout the year I become eligible for a paid summer internship with Microsoft. This will provide me with relevant work experience and will finance my survival throughout the summer months, which means I won't have to rely solely on what's left of my scholarship, as I will during the summer between year one and year two.
In third year I will get involved in the college's Erasmus Exchange program. Two weeks before semester one begins I will travel to Italy for an intensive language course. I studied the language for five years in school but never achieved fluency. This course will help me to re-learn everything important that I've forgotten and prepare me for properly getting to grips with the language throughout the nine months that follow. I hope to meet interesting and attractive people during my time there. But not let these interesting and attractive people distract me from my studies, as I will need to earn another internship for the summer when I get back.
I go into my final year. I compile* all of the projects I've been working on over the previous three years and create a portfolio to impress perspective employers. This will include tutorials, widgets, web pages etc. I commit myself to the research project I have to do as part of my course and produce something that will get me a good grade and which I could also include in my portfolio. I continue to work and finish with results I am proud of and that other people will be impressed by.
Should my plan come to fruition, in four years time I will have a degree, six months of experience in a reputable relevant working environment, have nine months of experience residing in a foreign country, be fluent in two languages and have prepared a presentable portfolio.
While all this ambition has been filling my head, I've also been very seriously toying with the idea of finally writing a book. I've begun work on something which I aim to reach approximately ten thousand words with. It's a series of events which occur throughout a sequence of chronological short stories featuring the same characters, with perspective shifting between them. I did not intentionally steal this format from Irvine Welsh. I'm starting small because I want to finish. I don't know how much free time I will have to write when September comes, so the book could be a while off, but at least I can see it happening now.
*pun totally intended.