Thursday, 26 June 2014

HPAT Results

I got my HPAT result.

It came out on Monday morning. I tried to sleep, but ended up awake all night, despite wanting to avoid being one of those people.

E-mails were to be sent to let us know when results were available. I kept my phone by the pillow. Every so often I would check. The night crawled by. At around four I think I almost fell asleep. I was stuck in that in between state for two hours, but it felt like longer.

Just before 6:30 the e-mail arrived. I expected for my result to be contained within. It was just a notification, informing me of the fact that it was now available. I had to log in to my account on the official site to see my score. As I did so I could feel my heart begin to move faster. My face reddening.

Again I was met with disappointment as my result was not waiting for me upon log in. I had to navigate several menus and click through a few pages. My breathing becoming heavier.

50th percentile.

Not good enough.

There are people around the country, and elsewhere, who were crushed on Monday morning. People who have had this aspiration their whole lives and in less than a second had to watch it die. People who have made several attempts at the exam, with pressure increasing each year. I was oddly relieved.

I'm annoyed at myself for not doing my best. I know I am capable of a better result. If I hadn't been sleep-deprived on the day, or messed up my timing on the first section then things might have worked out. I worked hard. I spent a lot of money on preparation courses. It all should have paid off. But it didn't.

I spent the whole year excited by finally making a decision regarding my future. I had a direction to move in. All I had to do was go. I had good reasons to want to study medicine, but I now realise that as a career it's completely wrong for me - I just don't care. I wasn't crushed by my result. I haven't even briefly considered repeating the exam, or going abroad which would almost guarantee me a place somewhere. I've given up.

I have until the end of this month to figure out what I'm going to do instead. My second choice was always Physiotherapy, because it put me in a similar working environment to a doctor, and the coursework involved a lot of Physics, which is cool. But fuck that.

My number one choice right now is Computer Science. I'm going to learn to code. Then I'll make several successful apps that are simple but colourful. I'll be rich enough by thirty that I'll never have to work again and I can look back on life proud that I never had to get a real job. The fact that anybody in this day and age is subjected to that is outrageous.

10 comments:

  1. Reality is overrated. Congrats on getting the better of it!

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    1. Thank you. I was severely overcomplicating life before Monday. I now understand what it's all about.

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  2. IT is the best industry to get into. End of story.

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    1. Well... I've been in IT professionally for 20 years, and writing code for 10 years longer than that, and I can tell you that while a lot of people share that sentiment, people that get into IT for the wrong reasons (money) are usually very unhappy.

      So if you really do have a deep interest in IT, go for it. If not, it might still work, but I'd encourage you to talk to people already in IT and ask a metric fuckton of questions.

      Lotsa luck!

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    2. Ok I take that back. What he said.

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    3. I appreciate your advice, gentlemen.

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  3. There will be plenty of people who will envy you - your choices; the fact you have some and have the capacity to make them. Make it a brave new world. I wish you well.

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    1. Thank you. I am aware that my position is a fortunate one. I am grateful for that. But I feel like I need to justify my good fortune by making the most of it.

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  4. Hi, I'm under the same situation as you so I understand how you feel.
    Trust me, my percentile wasn't as good as yours. I'm not sure if I want to repeat, but there isn't any other career I'm considering. On top of that, the CAO change of mind deadline closes up fast. I'm just confused and wish I was at least in your position.

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    1. Hello, Anon.

      This post is old enough that I can tell you that I am pretty happy with what I'm doing right now. I'm studying Computer Science presently, as I was considering on the 26th of June 2014.

      My advice to you: I assume you've just finished your final year of schooling (prior to my post I hadn't). Between now and whenever your CAO closes you should take a relaxed approach to researching any courses that you might even vaguely be considering. You might be inspired.

      If this was the one thing you wanted above all else, then I'm sure it must be devastating. But life is frighteningly short. Perhaps there is something else relevant to your interests that you'd never considered pursuing a career in. When I fucked up my HPAT I was kind of more ok with it than you probably are because it was just one of a collection of things I was interested in. Not getting to be a doctor felt pretty shit, until I realised I could potentially be so many other things. I'm not sure what your motivations are, but maybe you can satisfy your desires in another or completely different career. There are a lot of careers which offer opportunities to help other people, study a variety of areas of science, make a lot of money etc. Consider radiography, physiotherapy, pharmacy.

      If you have a lot of money (I don't) you could go abroad where your chances are a lot better in some countries, or you could try and get in as a graduate. Repeating is a risk, but it could pay off.

      Don't sweat it Anon. It's a bummer, but I promise the regret and disappointment will fade as you either move on to something new or ultimately get in somehow.

      We're all going to make it.

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